Weddings for introverts

Weddings are amazing celebrations of love. They can also be noisy, loud celebrations filled with excited people, loud music, flashing lights and lots of moving parts.

It will come as no surprise that weddings can present some challenges for introverts who prefer quieter, more intimate settings and find large social gatherings draining.

If you identify as an introvert you might have some mixed feelings about your upcoming wedding. We are here to say that your wedding can be a super positive, enjoyable experience if you plan your celebration carefully and you are in tune with what constitutes a “fun” day for YOU.

Whether you are having a large celebration or a small celebration, wedding days can be a lot. Even a low key wedding is likely to include working with a range of wedding vendors including a photographer, celebrant, venue staff and of course your family and friends.

It is important to build up some energy reserves for the day ahead of time. Make sure you allow plenty of down time in the week prior to your wedding to simply rest, sleep or reset after all of your wedding planning.

If you prefer to have some alone time in your every day life, your wedding day should be no different. Whilst some couples opt to have family and friends around them at their getting ready location, this is not mandatory. Perhaps it would be more restful for the two of you to spend the morning together. Perhaps you would prefer to head out for a walk and some breakfast by yourself before your celebration.

When it comes to planning quiet times in the day, you may like to read our post on nailing a stress free wedding morning.

Consider setting aside pockets of time throughout the day to relax and enjoy the moment together, away from family and friends. This could be in a private suite or a quiet break before entering your reception.

In addition, you might want to schedule some time to sit under the moonlight a little later in the night, where the two of you can enjoy a quiet drink together away from the dancefloor.

Engaging a wedding planner or On the Day Coordinator can assist to protect those small windows of time for you to have some “down time” across the day. Time seems to fly by on your wedding day. However, if you engage a professional and let them know how important the quiet time is to you, they will protect that time in your timeline to ensure it happens. 

Give someone else as a contact for the week leading up to your wedding and on the day itself

The week prior to your wedding day can be a very busy time. There are items to collect, final details to be put in place, wedding vendors to confirm and family members to placate. Consider appointing a family member or a friend who can be a contact point for you the week prior to your wedding. Have all queries and emails go through them before they come to you. That way, they can answer the easy questions and consult with you for the harder questions in one conversation.

Not one for public speaking? Then consider skipping your speech or keeping your speech short and to the point.

If you have any traditionalists in your family, they might say that you HAVE to speak. But remember that this is your day. So you need to ensure you do it your way.

Some alternatives to delivering a speech include:

• Placing some heartfelt words next to your Wishing Well, on the bar or at each table. Ask your MC to bring that detail to your guests’ attention and they can read your words rather than hear them from your mouth on the night
• Leave a personalised message for each guest in a small card, on the back of their place card or in a letter at their seats. Again, ask your MC to bring that to the guests’ attention and let guests know that this is in place of your speech tonight 
• Having your MC say a few words on your behalf

Some people love being the centre of attention. Many introverts do not. Whilst you might think it is important to have lots of photos to capture your celebration, you might not want to spend hours in front of the camera.

Where there is a mismatch in expectations between you and your partner on this front, have a detailed discussion BEFORE your wedding day. Compromise and come to a decision that you can both live with. Perhaps that means, no getting ready photos for you in the morning and just 45 minutes of photos after the ceremony but no night shots later in the night.

Dancing in front of your family and friends can be super overwhelming. If this applies for one or both of you, here are some ideas to consider instead:

1. Don’t have a First Dance – yep, that is 100% a choice you can make!
2. Have a First Dance that lasts for 30-45 seconds but ensure your MC then invites everyone to join you on the dancefloor straight after this (it helps to have people already in a circle around the dancefloor so they join you more quickly than if they need to get up from their seats)
3. Have your First Dance at the same time as your parents or loved ones on the dancefloor so the focus is not squarely on the two of you
4. Have your First Dance privately outside or somewhere away from guest eyes – if it’s important to you or your partner, get your MC to announce you had your First Dance in private at an earlier time and that you now just want everyone on the dancefloor to get the party started
5. Have your First Dance as soon as you walk into your reception – that way you don’t need to sit through entrees and mains fretting about it

Another common time for couples to feel uncomfortable is during cake cutting. If you have been to weddings before this can be a time when Aunty Joan and Great Uncle Pete make their way to the cake and demand you kiss one another for a photo. Yuck.

There are a couple of options here. One that is becoming popular is for the couple to cut the cake without it being announced. It is created as a more intimate moment that your photographer captures but that your guests do not.

Another option is to cut the cake as you enter the room, on your way to your table or the dancefloor. This creates a more candid, relaxed moment instead of a staged one.

If the idea of a sparkler send-off, fireworks, or kissing every guest feels overwhelming, consider a more low-key exit from your wedding celebration.

This might simply be that your DJ, band or MC announces that you would love them to join you on the dancefloor for one final song, and then you will head off into the night.

Have your wedding planner, someone from your wedding venue or a family member or friend pack up and take items you need to your car/transportation and simply head leave your reception. 

Having a head table at your wedding can mean that you are “on display” for your whole wedding celebration. If you are more of a “blend in with the crowd” kinda couple, why not sit in amongst your guests instead. 

If being around others during your getting-ready time drains your energy, consider taking some quiet moments alone before the celebrations begin. This time can help you center yourself and mentally prepare for the day ahead. Whether it’s spending a few minutes in solitude, listening to calming music, or simply enjoying a peaceful moment with your partner, taking this time for yourself can set the tone for a more relaxed and enjoyable wedding day.

Have your vows written out or have the celebrant walk you through them slowly – if you are uncomfortable in the lime light you are likely to be really nervous at key moments

It’s hard to avoid being the center of attention during your wedding vows (unless you elope), so there may be parts of the ceremony that push you outside your comfort zone.

There are some things that you can do during your ceremony however, to ease any nervousness and uneasiness you might feel:

1. If you are saying personal vows, have your celebrant print out your vows in very large print so they are easy to read
2. Consider having a short and sweet ceremony with legals only content included
3. Don’t feel pressure to mingle with your guests prior to the ceremony itself if some quiet time alone would work better for you

Of course your loved ones will want to chat with you and reassure you before your ceremony. Sometimes for introverts, the pre ceremony small talk can actually be a little draining and it makes sense to reserve all of your energy for the ceremony itself and your reception that follows.

You can even move into position after guests are seated or in place so that you minimise the time you feel like you are “on show”

If seeing your partner before the ceremony helps ease your nerves, consider a First Look. This moment, often captured by your photographer, allows you to connect privately before the big event.

Some couples report that seeing their partner before the ceremony is super helpful in easing their sense of discomfort during the ceremony itself.

If you are keen to do personal vows, but don’t want to deliver those in front of family and friends, saying these during your First Look might also be something you would like to consider.

Once again, as we always say, there are no rules to say that you must walk down the aisle by yourself or with just one loved one by your side. If you would be more comfortable walking to be with your loved with, with other loved ones by your side, consider it!

Just because a traditional wedding celebration features a dancefloor, that doesn’t mean you have to have one. If dancefloors are not your vibe then consider alternatives.  Instead you might have lawn games, arcade games, a musician, a mini performance. Honestly, the choice is yours!

One thing is for certain. You and your partner are indeed the people that your family and friends will want to chat with on your wedding day. If lots of conversation with different people is overwhelming, make sure you have your loved one right by your side. This might not be possible the whole night but you can certainly support one another by being together as much as possible and helping one another out if you can tell your partner has had enough and needs a break!

Everyone loves a good code word right. So why not have one ready to go on your wedding day to help one another out. Agree with one another than when you say the code word, you both take some time away from the party.

Speak with your wedding planner, On the Day Coordinator or Venue Coordinator about the best place to get away for a few minutes where you won’t be disturbed by guests.  

Grand entrances are a dream for some couples – it’s their chance to be the centre of attention and to celebrate their love super publicly and loudly. But other couples enjoy a quieter love and a lower key entrance to their wedding celebration.

If this is you, consider joining your guests for the remainder of Cocktail Hour or pre dinner drinks and canapes and simply walk into the reception space with your guests. No fanfare, no loud music, just quiet anticipation of an evening of celebration with family and friends.

If you don’t love public displays of affection, consider having some of your wedding photos taken in places away from the public, family or friends watching on.

After your ceremony consider heading off site where you can be alone (well, alone with your photographer/videographer anyway!) so that you can relax and just enjoy some time together away from the eyes of the world.  

Got a favourite scent, essential oil or soothing sounds playlist on your phone? Bring them with you on your wedding day and use them when you find a moment for some time out – it’s a long day so anything that grounds you will help you through the day.

The energy of those around you can be uplifting for some but draining for others. If you have people in your life who will support you on your wedding day in a way that makes you feel awesome, then by all means, ask your friends to stand by your side in your wedding party.

However, if spending the lead up to your wedding day and the day itself with friends, even though you adore them in small doses, doesn’t feel right, opt for a small wedding party or no wedding party at all. No bridesmaid, groomsman, best man, maid of honour, groomsmaid, bridesman or anything in between is worth considering for the sake of having a wedding party because “that’s what everyone does”.

Everyone on your wedding day will want at least one chat or interaction with you on your wedding day. Whether you like it or not, you are kind of the main event on your wedding day. So it goes without saying that if people tend to zap your energy reserves, consider inviting a small number of guests on your wedding day. That will ensure that you have plenty of energy for each of them without becoming overwhelmed.

An alternative to a smaller guest count for your whole day is to consider having a smaller, more low key ceremony and then a larger reception or the other way around.

Our fur babies can be such a comfort when we are outside of our own comfort zone. If your fur baby or babies make your feel calm, comfortable and at ease, consider having them around for at least some of your wedding day.

That might mean that they are with you when you are getting ready in the morning. It might mean that they are part of your ceremony or your post ceremony photos.

Remember to also assign or book someone to look after your fur baby during the times that you cannot concentrate fully on them eg during the middle of your ceremony or having family photos after your ceremony.

In addition, you will need to make sure that the venue where you are having your celebration allows animals so that your fur baby can wholeheartedly enjoy your celebration as much as the two of you.

It might be a lounge outside perfect for star gazing or staring into a fire. It might be a low light indoor lounge complete with soft furnishings cushions and lounges to really sink into where guests can sit and quietly chat. 

Remember, those that are at your wedding love and adore you. They support you and they want you to have your dream day, whatever that looks like. Your wedding day is an amazing milestone as a couple – what better opportunity to create a meaningful and enjoyable celebration?

You don’t HAVE to do anything. Well-meaning family and friends may have opinions, but your wedding should reflect what makes you happy. But the truth is that you should feel free to have the wedding day that makes the two of you happy, comfortable and most at ease.

Here’s hoping these wedding tips will help you feel relaxed, happy and immerse yourself in your wedding day celebrations in exactly the ways that work for you.